Sorry for the delay on the review folks, I went out of town immediately after I saw this Friday night.
My first thought when I left the cinema: What in the blue Hell did I just watch?
That basically sums up my experience. Here's a quick, simple plot summary followed with my thoughts (Disclaimer: My Japanese GF was visiting her parents, so I had to go see it alone. I tried the best I could with my Japanese skills to understand what the hell was going on):
Plot synopsisThe Japanese Coast Guard is searching an abandoned boat that apparently belonged to a scientist searching for something. Next, a big explosion in the sea outside Shinagawa/Odaiba in Tokyo Bay sinks the boat, followed by red liquid that floods the sea and the underground highway. A tail then appears, and a salamander creature crawls and slivers ashore and wrecks havoc. It eventually manages to stand upright and starts slowly growing and sprouting tiny arms. The JSDF shows up to do battle, but it lets out a roar and quickly slivers back into the sea.
And several meetings (and believe me, are there some meetings in this film...Christ almighty

), the creature appears again and is in full-grown form. It is emitting radiation from its body everywhere it walks (and this is expanded on during... you guessed, more meetings). The Americans classify the creature as "Godzilla". 60 years ago (or 16? My Japanese didn't quite catch it), there was a huge cache of nuclear waste dumped at the bottom of the sea and Salamander-zilla fed on it.
The JSDF throw everything at it, and shockingly, nothing works. The US chips in and brings in the stealth bombers, which drop powerful smart bombs on Godzilla's back and blows off one of his dorsal fins. He responds by opening his mouth with his bottom jaw splitting into two like a mandible and shooting air, which transitions to fire, then transitions into a purple beam/laser and wastes the city. Purple beams also shoot out of his back and destroy the stealth bombers. His body then becomes fully still like stone, apparently hibernating due to using too much energy in his beam attack. During the purple beam attack, the Japanese Prime Minister is killed (I think) and another succeeds him (and this process is shown through....*drum roll* another meeting :rimshot: Seeing a pattern yet?).
Russia and China want to take over decision making on handling the Godzilla crisis management in Japan, while US eventually decides that nuclear weapons are the only choice, with Japan struggling to stand on their own (similar to today's geo-political climate) and thus the countdown to find a way to stop Godzilla before the US starts their nuclear attack on him begins. They decide to freeze him by using remote-controlled crane trucks to shoot the freezing material into his mouth. They start the attack with US drones, which he shoots with his lasers With the help of bombed filled trains and shinkansen bullet trains as well as the military destroying skyscrapers so they collapse), they manage to bury Godzilla beneath the rubble and the freezing attack is a success. Thus the use of nuclear weapons is avoided.
The final scene ends with Godzilla's standing up, but frozen in the middle of the city with frozen mutated people with dorsal fins climbing out of his tail.
Um...yeah.
Things I liked:- Sound effects were awesome. Many older sound effects from the older Showa films were used throughout, and they didn't come off hokey and were incorporated perfectly.
Likewise, Godzilla used a nice variety of all his various roars from the Showa and Heisei era.
- Soundtrack-wise, classic Ifukube soundtracks were used through several key segments and fit the scenes perfectly. For those who boast that Ifukube scores cannot work in modern films might change their minds after seeing this film. The awful "choir" music did show up during Salamander-zilla's scene, but other than that the film's soundtrack was decent, albeit not that memorable.
- The finale was actually pretty unique and clever, and I didn't find it anti-climatic as others have reported. The way they incorporated the trains, shinkansen bullet trains, US drones, and remote-control cranes was a very fun and well-executed sequence. Definitely Higuchi's best sequence in the film by far.
- Although uneven at times (the Salamander-zilla sequence in particular was laughable at times), the SFX was usually pretty solid with some great military battles and city destruction scenes.
- Satomi Ishihara...not that great of a performance acting-wise (her English lines were dreadful at times), but she was one of the few somewhat developed characters (relatively speaking). Being easy on the eyes doesn't hurt either
Things I didn't like:- Salamander-zilla. Seriously, when first saw him, I almost broke out laughing. He eyes and expression looked like a rooster on meth. And while I don't mind them trying something new origins-wise instead of trying to connect it to the '54 film that has been done countless times before, this origin just doesn't seem like a good fit for Godzilla.
- Meetings, meetings, meetings, meetings, meetings, meetings....holy mother of Christ was it skreeonking ridiculous. An endless parade of random characters appear with their names/titles shown. Very similar to issues surrounding the old war film "A Bridge Too Far" with just an over-abundance of undeveloped characters. I didn't care for a single one of them or their fates as a result.
As for those whining about "Oh look, another review complaining about meetings"...yup. It was a *BIG* problem in general with this film as a whole. When most of you actually see this film down the road, you'll see why this item has been harped on so much.
It got so bad that at one point, there was actually a scene where as they were setting up tables / chairs for *another* meeting, a camera was actually placed on the chair so we could get a first-person perspective view from the chair as it was....being moved in front of a table.

Riveting stuff there Anno....
The tables, chairs, and whiteboards were the real stars of the film.
- Godzilla's design....sorry, but it's not "edgy" or "cool"...it's just ugly. Scrawny arms, ridiculous tail, weird face...you know the drill (Don't even get me started on the cliched "bottom jaw/mandable splits into two" when uses his breath/beam....looks very lame, unoriginal, and just isn't "Godzilla"). As Ed G said, it seems they designed him ugly as just a cheap way to make him "scary". Honestly, I think a more traditional design would have been far creepier in the context of this film.
- Lasers out of every orifice....Kawakita must be smiling down on us. The lasers from the back and tail were completely over-indulgent and overkill, and I'm sorry, but these powers belong to another kaiju, not Godzilla. He didn't need these extra lasers to portray his power and strength.
Overall, I thought Anno / Higuchi might give us something more interesting / riveting, but when you cut through all of the bullsh*t, beyond the radical Godzilla design and even more radical origin story for him, I felt the story, pacing, and everything was rather...
b-l-a-n-d. I would rate this along the lines GRA/G1985/G2000//G2014. It was ok, but certainly not a film worthy of all of the controversy/flame wars I've seen on another certain "message board"
And that's my honest, no BS account of what I saw. Heading for bed. Nighty night
