by mrbluehair » Mon Oct 07, 2013 5:19 am
I retain distribution rights....got it on paper after a drunk night with Legendary and Warner executives ended up with certain cell phone photos taken in Tijuana after Comic Con last year. Godzilla is gonna make me rich and then I'm sending the rights to Either Asylum or Platinum Dunes...whoever is the highest bidder. Then I will have Uwe Boll and Michael Bay fight to the death to direct. It will be epic.
There will then be a forward to the movie voiced by Dean Devlin, Rolland Emmerich, Matthew Broderick, Maria Patillo, Hank Azaria and Jean Reno and it will read:
DD: In 1998, myself and Roland were given a great honor and challenge...to bring Godzilla to the United States and give him all the latest in special effects techniques...
RE: We were given a huge budget and set out to hire the best cast we could....
DD: We wanted to recreate Godzilla in a way that the whole world would love....OUR WAY! No rubber suit or indestructibility...no breathing fire, no...Godzilla was gonna be real and he was going to be fast and dig holes and sound like an constipated elephant as he ran away like a sissy....
RE: Dean, what you're trying to say was we really crapped the bed on this one and set back the series to the point Toho could not wait to make it disappear....
DD: Sorry, so here to discuss their role in this crime are some of the actors....Matthew?
MB: I learned that I do not belong anywhere near an action movie, that mellow comedic movies or geek movies are where I need to stay. Sorry...Maria?
MP: I learned that this was my only chance at stardom outside a terrible sitcom that lasted 5 episodes. Now the only time people recognize me are angry Godzilla fans that still ask if they can sleep with me...Hank
HA: Ahhh gee whiz, what I learned is that back then, I was married to Tea Leone God only knows why and I'm really best suited for voice work on The Simpsons...Jean?
JR: I was the only one who was worth a flying croissant in this movie, I have nothing to apologize about.
Then cut to..... GODZILLA: THE MUSICAL!!!!
You must show no mercy, nor have any belief whatsoever in how others judge you... for your greatness will silence them all!