Godzilla: Final Wars is easily the series' worst entry since
Godzilla vs. Megalon.
...is not a sentance that will appear in this review.
Lessee... where to start?
The SPFX
I thought the special effects in
Final Wars were great. The CGI was unbelievable for a Godzilla film, especially the CG used for Zilla. He looked just as good as he did in his debut film, an impressive feat for Toho, who couldn't even make convincing WATER in
GMK. The CG used for Angilas' bowling ball attack was also impressive. The Secretary-General's head splitting open, while a bit bloody, wasn't as bad as I had been fearing. It reminded me of the alien suit's head being cut open in
Independance Day. The only effect that really bothered me (and even then it wasn't that big a deal) were the Power Ranger-ish spark-explosions scattered throughout the movie, mainly in the opening fight between Godzilla and Gotengo, and then the fight with Monster X. A few reviews I've read mentioned really bad matte shots, but I don't remember seeing a single one (trust me, bad Godzilla mattes stick out in my mind).
The Music
While nowhere near as good as a traditional Godzilla score (pick any random Godzilla composer), I thought Keith Emmerson did an alright job scoring the film (I'd put it ahead of
Megalon's score, but for some reason, behind
Smog Monster's). While I wouldn't listen to
Final Wars' score by itself, it does a decent job of accompanying the visuals on the screen, and none of his tracks are quite as bad as the infamous "Bio Wars" from
Godzilla vs. Biollante. It was great hearing Sum 41's We're All To Blame, for all of the 15 seconds it was used.
It was nice to hear Minya's theme and the battle theme from
GvsMG '74 again, but I was stunned that Akira Ifukube's classic Godzilla theme wasn't used anywhere in the film, not even during the opening/ending credits! That's like having
Star Wars Episode III not play the main theme during the opening text. I was also disappointed that the Shobijin didn't sing the Mothra Song to awaken Mothra. Was it a time issue? Even if they didn't want to include the entire song, they should've at least sung the opening line, "Mosura... Mosura..." (the line before the song actually starts) before Mothra blasts off the island.
The Humans
Don Frye kicked complete and utter ass as Douglas Gordon, the Captain of the Gotengo. I honestly didn't think his performance was that bad, and I loved his deadpan delivery. He's easily the best American in a G-film since Raymond Burr and Nick Adams, and he definitely has the film's best lines.
Ozaki, the M-Solder, was alright. He wasn't the most developed Godzilla hero ever, but he more than made up for it by the fact that he actually DOES stuff (fighting various foes, repowering Godzilla, etc). Despite his lack of background, I'll easily take him over most of the Heisei Series' "heroes" any day of the week.
The Controller was fun to watch. He was a great villain, and I thought it was hilarious how he kept throwing fits every time Godzilla beat the monsters, instead of the usual "No! This is impossible! We are invincible!" He has some awesome fight scenes, and easily the best non-Gordon line in the film: "I knew that tuna-eating monster was useless!" (I'm sure you can guess who he's talking about

)
The biologist and her newscaster sister were hot. Yeah. Though where the hell did the sister come from at the end? She just kinda shows up out of nowhere... in an area that was just obliterated by an exploding meteor and several kaiju fights, no less.
It was great seeing series veterans Akira Takarada, Kumi Mizuno, Kenji Sahara, and Akira Nakao again. Nakao was a complete surprise, as I hadn't seen anything mentioning him in relation to
Final Wars. I'm also glad that Takarada and Mizuno survived, despite the mind-bending-ness of it all. "Somehow, we managed to escape!"
The kid and his grandfather (the ones that accompanied Minya)... not much to say about them, really. Like Minya, they had the potential to be terrible, but managed to come out just fine (at least the kid's name wasn't Kenny...

).
And the Shobijin... I liked their role (as brief as it was), but I liked their look from
Tokyo SOS better. They just looked... off, here. Maybe it was their hair, I dunno. Odd that they didn't show them reacting to Mothra's apparent destruction.
And now, the most important part...
The Monsters
Godzilla - Faster and sleeker than ever before, this Godzilla kicked ass, and is most likely the most powerful incarnation of the entire series. I loved his no-nonsense attitude in battle, despite the fights being so short. I really enjoyed how fast he moved in battle, as opposed to the slow-lumbering Godzilla of the previous few films. His blasting at Gorath with his ray was an awesome scene, and his standing in the middle of the massive crater (formerly Tokyo) was a brilliant visual.
Monster X - A bit more humanoid-looking than I was expecting, I thought Monster X was still a great opponent, and he made a cool tag-team partner for Gigan. Despite the power his gravity bolts packed, I thought they were a little flimsy-looking.
Keizer Ghidorah - A truly terrifying-looking kaiju. Definitely the best looking of the newer Ghidorahs, second only to Grand Ghidorah. He was definitely not a foe to mess around with, and he very nearly kills Godzilla within moments. Though I thought he was killed way too easily once Godzilla was recharged, I loved how Godzilla was tossing him back and forth, just as he did in
Godzilla vs Gigan. His death, being lifted into space by Godzilla's Red Ray, was also terrific.
Gigan - For such an awesome-looking beast, Gigan's first form did almost nothing. I was surprised by that, I thought he was one of the few kaiju that was supposed to last against Godzilla. I was surprised to see that his laser came from the visor itself as opposed to the dot right above it.
Upgraded Gigan - Gigan's upgraded form, with dual chainsaw hands, was cool, and it was great seeing him tag-team Godzilla with Monster X. However, I thought there should've been SOME blood when Godzilla was hit by Gigan's chainsaw hands (but then, if Kiryu drilling him in the gut won't draw blood, I guess nothing will). I thought his method of travelling by putting his chainsaws to the ground was a bit weird.
Mothra - For someone who was supposedly Gigan's millennia-old enemy, Mothra sure didn't do much in this movie. "What? The Earth's being destroyed? Nah, I'm taking a nap... wait, what? Gigan? I'm on my way!" I loved the fact that she was Godzilla's ally this time (the first time since
Destroy All Monsters!), and that one didn't attack the other. I thought it was great when she knocked over Gigan and Monster X with her wings. Though I gotta ask - what's with Mothra exploding? It's like a Millennium Series tradition.
Rodan, Angilas, King Seesar - It was great seeing these guys back in action, especially in their fight against Godzilla. Rodan's attack on New York was awesome, and the shot of him cackling in front of the moon was beautiful. Angilas was great in the film, and even got to destroy one of the giant battleships (I forget its name). King Seesar looked more or less the same (except he was skinnier), and even lifted his ears up during the fight with Godzilla.

Their fight was definitely a highlight of the film, and Godzilla using them against each other was awesome. I thought it was a nice touch that these three - previously Godzilla's allies - were the only kaiju spared by Godzilla (Well, maybe Kumonga was too, depending on how he landed...).
Zilla - He got a lot more screentime than I expected. It was great seeing Zilla actually attack a city and smash stuff. I dunno why, but I really liked the way he spun around as the Xiliens teleported him to Sydney. Despite the awesomeness of Godzilla roasting him so quickly, I wish there was a bit more to the fight, if only to see them together on the screen more.
Minya - Let's face it. Minya's gonna be campy no matter what, simply because he's Minya. But I thought
Final Wars actually did a great job at making Minya... not campy (or at least less campy than usual). He looks fine, though his face looks a bit inspired by Littlefoot from the
Land Before Time series. I'm surprised (and even a bit disappointed), though, that he didn't say "Pwa-pwa!" at all in the film, especially during the ending. But where did he come from? When Minya first appears, it's like we came in in the middle of a scene.
Ebirah - I don't care if they're Mighty Morphin Mutant Soldiers or not, no human should ever be allowed to cause this much damage to a kaiju. At all. Ever. Period. Not even Zilla. That being said, he looks tougher than he did before, and thankfully, there's no lemon juice in sight!

Unfortunately, his fight against Godzilla is even shorter than Zilla's, but at least he had the fight against the M-Soldiers earlier.
Kumonga - Kumonga looked great, with a brighter color scheme and much sharper legs. I did, though, think his web snapping open to form nets was odd. It wasn't even the execution, it was the fact that it happened. I also thought the way he was defeated was bizzare... he's just thrown away? I mean, it's funny, but... Notice that he was the only other monster (aside from Rodan, Angilas, and King Seesar) not seen killed by Godzilla. Remember that Godzilla and Kumonga were allies in
Destroy All Monsters...
Kamacuras - I thought Kamacuras was great in this movie, buzzing around like Megaguirus... but he's red, Toho! Red, not green, dammit! At least he attacked a city this time, and I cracked up when he got impaled on that powerline tower, as Godzilla walked right past him, ignoring the strugling mantis.
Manda - Though Manda's battle against Gotengo was great, I was kinda disappointed, as I thought Manda was one of the monsters that attacked the Earth later on. I was really looking forward to a Godzilla vs Manda fight, no matter how quick it would've been. Instead, he's used in a "Oh, another day spent fighting kaiju!" scene.
Hedorah - Poor, poor Hedorah. I had read that he didn't have that much screentime, but... damn! All he did was get killed. Why couldn't they have shown Hedorah's attack scene (shown during the end credits) during the montage of attacks at the beginning? It couldn't have been more than a minute or so.
And though the film had more than enough monsters in it, I wonder how the unused monsters - Kiryu, Gorosaurus, Dagarah, and Oodako - would've been involved. Oodako would fit Hedorah's role much better than Hedorah did. I also wonder how Dagarah would've fared against Godzilla, as he wasn't a tooth-and-claw Showa monster, but a beam-happy Heisei one. Perhaps that's why he wasn't used.
Ultimately, I think the reason
Final Wars failed was the timing. While it's one hell of a G-film, perhaps it simply wasn't appropriate for the 50th Anniversary film. While the line-up of monsters is definitely worthy of the event, the rest of the film (as well as the way the monsters are handled), is just so different from a normal Godzilla film, it alienated fans who were no doubt expecting a great-but-usual film to celebrate Godzilla's 50th. That, and the story is so fast-paced it almost hurts the film (the Xiliens arrive and are found out in what feels like 15 minutes). Despite that, though, it's a great action film with excellent fights (with both kaiju and humans), even if most of the monster fights are pretty short. There's plenty of tongue-in-cheek humor and nods to Godzilla's past. Made almost as an American action film with Godzilla and co. as a special bonus, I believe
Godzilla: Final Wars is a movie that can be enjoyed by both fans and people new to the series alike.
Rating: A-