Monster Zero x SciFi Japan - Archive Only

(Just to set the mood)


I've seen this done on other boards and it always turns into a pretty fun time. For this forum, we might need to keep it a little bit more family-friendly, but not so much so that we can't have any fun!


A pirate walks into a bar, and says, "Give me a drink."
The bartender says, "Hey, I haven't seen you here in a while, you look like you've had some tough times, like that new peg leg."
The pirate replies, "Argh, I had me a run-in with a cannonball and me leg was blown off, but I be okay."
The bartender points to the hook in place of the pirate's left hand and says, "That seems to be new, too."
To which the pirate responds, "Aye. I lost me hand in a swordfight."
The bartender next says, "And what about that patch on your eye? That's new too, isn't it?"
The pirate responds, "Well, tis a bit embarrassin'. One day, I was out on the deck and when I look up in the sky, a bird poops right in me eye."
The bartender looks a little stunned and says, "Well, that's terrible, but I don't think you'd lose your eye from THAT."
The priate looks shameful and says, "Argh, first day with the hook."

How many communists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. The light bulb contains the seeds of its own revolution!

When the math professor's wife returns home from work, she finds an envelope on the living room table. She opens it and finds a letter from her husband:

My dearest wife,
We have been married for nearly thirty years, and I still love you as much as on the day I proposed. You must realize, however, that you are now 54 years old and no longer able to satisfy certain needs I still have. I very much hope that you are not hurt to learn that, while you're reading this, I'm in a hotel room with an 18-year-old freshman girl from my calculus class. I'll be home before midnight.
Your husband, who will never stop loving you.

When the professor returns from the hotel shortly before midnight, he also finds an envelope in the living room. He opens it and reads:

My beloved husband,
You may recall that you, too, are 54 years old and no longer able to satisfy certain needs I still have. I thus hope that you are not hurt to learn that, while you're reading this, I am in a hotel room with the 18-year-old pool boy.
Your loving wife.
P.S. As a mathematician, you are certainly aware of the fact that 18 goes into 54 many more times than 54 goes into 18. Therefore, don't stay up and wait for me.