Monster Zero x SciFi Japan - Archive Only

Why are people excited for this? It looks like crap? Lots of shallow CGI used for EVERYTHING and (ho-hum) another Burton movie with Johnny Depp. Didn't see that one coming, right? Tim Burton is an absolute joke these days.

Someone pass me a copy of the original 1950's Disney version. That's really the only one I'll ever need. Not this overblown, CGI orgasm.

Don't get me wrong, I loved Burton's movies (Pee Wee's Big Adventure, Batman, Beetlejuice, Nightmare Before Christmas) before his art style became a cliche in and of itself and he started casting Johnny Depp and Helena Bonham Carter in almost every single movie.

I see the commercials for Alice in Wonderland and all I want to do is change the channel.

Saw it last night and well... it kinda sucks. I mean its ok to maybe rent or watch once. Its a time waster. I was entertained for the most part, I wasn't ever bored. But as a movie and as an adaptation its just not that great. Nobody was really that crazy cept the Hare. I mean, you know your Alice movie has a problem when the Mad Hatter is like the most sane character in it... and as an added note, they made him WAY too big of a character in this. Johnny Depp and Crispin Glover are totally phoning it in by playing their usual "weirdo" personas. Danny Elfman's score is totally phoned in.

The Red Queen was RIDICULOUS. She looks retarded... just awful. Her big head is referenced CONSTANTLY and is the butt of 90% of the jokes in the movie, thus turning the villain, who should be THREATENING into a one note joke. Therefore there's no sense of danger or stakes being raised here. In fact, the character designs in general were terrible. Its not the CGI hybrid of the characters that bothered me, is that the designs are simply TERRIBLE. I don't know why they let Burton get away with characters that are such eyesores. Oh, and (MINOR SPOILER) beware of the end where the Mad Hatter and Alice start breakdancing.... God, I wish I was making that up.

This movie is basically what happens when a director who got big from being weird and unusual does everything that you expect him to do. Its what happened when a guy whose best quality was taking chances and doing the unexpected stops taking chances and does what is expected. Terry Gilliam and Guillermo del Toro bested Tim Burton at his own game AGES ago and the whole time I could do nothing but think of how much BETTER one of those guys would have done this film... Burton's just doing what's expected and safe... in other words he's just old and boring now. What was an interesting, weird, unique voice in American cinema simply hasn't held up due to his inability to take chances and adapt to the times.

But uh... the Jabberwocky looked cool...(?). And I'm not sure why he talked, but its always nice to hear Christpher Lee's voice booming through a movie theater.

If you are REALLY bored and really wanna go to the movies, check it out. Otherwise, just rent it. It wasn't as bad as I thought it would be and it was rarely boring... that's about the best I can say about it. Totally middle of the road and in one ear and out the other.

2.5/5.

Good review Mouth, too bad this movie is poised to make a crapton of money this weekend.