Still here?
You poor b@stard.
Ok, so when the movie ended (and I stayed through the credits) I was left with the feeling of meh'. Maybe I'd compare it to Predators...but no, I like Predators alot and I will continue to defend it from the people who attack it unfairly. The Thing (2 or .5)...whatever...is an allright ride while you are on it...things don't feel right but you don't mind so much because it's not as horrible as people have made it out to be but then the movie ends and only the bad things from the movie float to the surface in your mind.
Here are some examples:
-The Thing now moves with lightning quick speed thanks to the help of soem craptacular cgi. My brother (who hates practical effects
) liked the new effects alot and said that the 82 film's effects were so bad and that's what stopped the 82 film from being great. Anyways...if something is literally in the process of tearing itself apart, coming undone at a cellular level, I don't think it'd move like a panther.
-Which ties into the fact that the new Thing actively hunts in all of it's glorious Thing-ness. Again, what makes the original so effective, and smart, is that it can't just go around slaughtering everyone, it has to get you alone, one on one, and only then can it get you with a quick, surprise attack. It can't run after you really but if you are in close quarters with it, it can lash out a tentacle at you and then it's done.
-Also, as far as the Thing's biology goes. I don't think it willingly splits off into several parts so that everything can do it's own seperate hunt...no...the thing seperates when it has to...those severed limbs are like escape pods...not Predator Drones.
-If this were just a seperate film...not a prequel...with these two things above it'd still be a passable film ala Predators. Like Predators is seriously f*cks up the biology of the titular organism but ....The Thing IS a prequel and that's where this film goes horribely wrong. Remember seeing the "Sweeds" camp for the first time...the guy with his wrist an throat cut...the axe in the wall...the burnt corpse of some..thing... Remember thinking of wtf happened here?!?! Well pretty much nothing, and everything that does happen, happens so lackluster and pointlessly that you want to scream at the screen. The guy that cuts his wrist...you'd think it'd be some character we were invested in and even sympathised with a little right? You think there'd be a slow build up, the scapel in his hand, slowly lifting his sleeve, maybe some pounding on the door outside of someone or something trying to stop him? Nope, all happens off screen to a character we don't give two shits about. The axe in the door...some minor part of the thing gets hit with it there...it's not epic...its not the sign of madness that we've all thought it was...it's nothing. The burnt corpse monster walks around in that state, prior to being burned, for nearly 5 minutes...just two people fused together...walking around...nothing to see here folks.
-This is a question I had since the first trailer was released...why do we need the prologue in New York? Why can't we just start with the Americans arriving in camp? It's lazy and boring. Did The Fly start with Brundle getting a copyright for his invention? Did Alien start off with the Nostramo crew getting their orders as they depart? No! We jump into the story when we need to...when it makes narrative sense!!! We jump into the middle of the action, just the film's central question is being asked....
-The alien spaceship is just dumb...we don't want to go there...I don't want to see what's on it. We do, it's dumb. Trust me.
-Also, I thought the spaceship was broken? Why then does the film conclude with an epic race to the spaceship to keep the alien from blasting back off?
-The dog stuff...you literally forget about it for the whole film...then at the very end it's like the writers rememberd and then throw it back in. It doesn't make sense though. The dog leaves the camp just as the "Sweeds" take off in a helicopter...are we to believe that they couldn't catch that dog for how ever many miles it takes to get to the American station? It has to be at least 20 I think...probably closer to 50.
-Lastly, the effects look like butt. There's no sense of physics to any of it the transmorphations. People just blow apart suddenly and look...tada...I'm an alien! It's like someone pulling on a zipper or something it's preposterous.
F this film. It's not as bad as either AvP film...but in someways it stings more than either of those films did. The Alien series had been in decline for a while before those films....and you know what, even in those films the Aliens were still Aliens....The Thing...I acutually suggest watching it so you can all write your master thesis' on how to NOT make a prequel or a monster movie.
