What I Learned From Every Godzilla Movie

[Irish Gfan]

I thought this would be kind of funny to do. I always see joke threads on IMDB talking about "What I learned" from so and so film and presenting tongue in cheek lessons or knowledge to be taken from the movie. Godzilla has such a rich history and with it being sci-fi & fantasy, it has tons of weird moments & story devices that just opens the door to have some fun with the material.

So here are mine:

What I Learned from Gojira/Godzilla King of the Monsters = Nothing is more influential than a creepy girl's choir that sings like chanting ghosts.

What I learned from Godzilla Raids Again = Any information about radioactive dinosaurs can be found in a children's book.

What I learned from King Kong Vs. Godzilla = Apes can conduct electricity.

What I learned from Godzilla Vs. The Thing = No matter how angry they get or how much you abuse them, you can always sweet talk abused natives into lending their help, even if it is their all powerful goddess.

What I learned from Ghidorah the Three Headed Monster = Mothra should have a talk show in the same vain as Oprah. She's quite the conversationalist and is pretty convincing too.

What I learned from Godzilla Vs. Monster Zero = All aliens dress alike, look alike, and they all want to take over the world....unless you have sex with it. Then they soften up and show individuality. Way to go Glenn!

What I learned from Godzilla Vs. The Sea Monster = Godzilla is skilled at volleyball.

What I learned from Son of Godzilla = Using radioactivity to control the weather is a great idea. Just beware the giant monsters it creates.

What I learned from Destroy All Monsters = Toho was way off when predicting the future. It was WAY passed 1999 and we still don't have moon colonies!

What I learned from Godzilla's Revenge = ADD in children needs to be detected, observed, and treated ASAP.

What I learned from Godzilla Vs. The Smog Monster = What do you do when a giant monster is threatening to destroy your country? Throw a bitchin' party! And bring the kids too!

What I learned from Godzilla Vs. Gigan = Stock footage is cost effective.

What I learned from Godzilla Vs. Megalon = Toy makers in Japan in the 70s were experts in creating AI & advanced robotics.

What I learned from Godzilla Vs. Mechagodzilla = Magnetic pipes are a man's best friend.

What I learned from Terror of Mechagodzilla = Cyborg's are hot.

What I learned from The Return of Godzilla/Godzilla 1985 = Japan version: Russians are ok guys! US version: Russians are evil!

What I learned from Godzilla Vs. Biollante = Adding Godzilla DNA to a haunted rosebush is a perfectly reasonable thing to do.

What I learned from Godzilla Vs. King Ghidorah = Time Travel makes no damn sense!

What I learned from Godzilla Vs. Mothra 92 = It is not nice to mess with Mother Nature.

What I learned from Godzilla Vs. Mechagodzilla 93 = Singing to psychic plants reawakens dinosaurs.

What I learned from Godzilla Vs. Spacegodzilla = No matter how absurd or bizarre the explanation for a monster's creation, the powers that be in Japan won't so much as bat an eyelash. I guess 40 years or monster attacks will do that to you.

What I learned from Godzilla Vs. Destroyah = Watching the monster who has destroyed multiple cities over the course of a decade is pretty sad.

What I learned from Godzilla 2000 = Contrary to what was said in other films, nobody actually dies in Godzilla attacks. They survive by the skin of their teeth in hilariously convenient ways

What I learned from Godzilla X Megaguiras = Turns out shooting a black hole at a monster doesn't work.

What I learned from GMK: Giant Monsters All Out Attack = I can ride submarine into Godzilla's mouth, get swallowed by him, blow a hole in his chest where his atomic fire shoots out, and still survive and emerge completely unscathed.

What I learned from Godzilla X Mechagodzilla = Using Godzilla DNA to operate a robot is also a completely sensible thing to do. (OK seriously, who in their right mind would use Godzilla DNA for anything?)

What I learned from Godzilla Tokyo SOS = Between having to fight a giant turtle, two larva, the adult Mothra, & Mechagodzilla again, is it safe to say that nobody likes poor Godzilla? Kind of feel like he's being bullied here, ha ha.

What I learned from Godzilla Final Wars = It is reasonable to fight Godzilla with handguns and a sword.

[metal_bryan]

What I learned from King Kong Vs. Godzilla = King Kong loves to party, but gets wasted way too fast.

What I learned from Godzilla Vs. The Thing = Eggs are delicious. I should carry hardboiled eggs with me at all times.

What I learned from Ghidorah the Three Headed Monster = Godzilla and Rodan have feelings too, guys.

What I learned from Monster Zero/Destroy All Monsters = Aliens are stupid. Bond-villain stupid. Always.

What I learned from Godzilla Vs. The Sea Monster = Stealing things is fun and easy!

What I learned from Son of Godzilla = Drink the red water.

What I learned from Godzilla's Revenge = Being a bully is how you fit in.

What I learned from Godzilla Vs. The Smog Monster = The "go-go of one million" is Engrish for a few dozen people.

What I learned from Godzilla Vs. Gigan = "I love the saw. The saw is part of me. AND I'M GONNA MAKE IT PART OF YOUUUUU!!!!"

What I learned from Godzilla Vs. Megalon = He jock it made of steel.

What I learned from Godzilla Vs. Mechagodzilla = The power of song.

What I learned from Terror of Mechagodzilla = BOOBIES!!

What I learned from Godzilla Vs. Biollante = The "OH GODZILLA! WHAT TERRIBLE LANGUAGE!" Saradian Agent is almost as stone cold as the "OH GODZILLA! WHAT TERRIBLE LANGUAGE!" Batman.

What I learned from Godzilla Vs. King Ghidorah = People from the future are just as stupid as aliens.

What I learned from Godzilla Final Wars = Go right into it.

[Legion]

What I Learned From Godzilla Raids Again: When new books come out you can learn so much.

What I Learned From King Kong vs Godzilla: Proportionally, Godzilla's brain is the size of a grain of sand.

What I Learned From Mothra vs Godzilla: Gigantic monster moths can sit on a hill behind a few thin trees and no one will notice until they look REALLY hard.

What I Learned From Ghidorah the Three-Headed Monster: There are batspit insane men in Japan who will crawl into a volcano to rescue a hat for only about $2 US.

What I Learned From Monster Zero: Ya shoulda left yer sistah packed in ice.

What I Learned From Godzilla vs the Sea Monster: Bad guys shoot their guns aimlessly at absolutely nothing while trying to hunt down other people and never run out of ammo.

What I Learned From Son of Godzilla: Child abuse is the best way to unleash inner talent.

What I Learned From Destroy all Monsters: The best way to remove an earring is to rip it right out of someone's earlobe.

What I Learned From Godzilla's Revenge: This car for sale. Very cheap. Very good.

What I Learned From Godzilla vs the Smog Monster: Superman beats them all.

What I Learned From Godzilla vs Gigan: Cigarettes are for you.

What I Learned From Godzilla vs Megalon: Two grown men can pal around together with a small boy and no one will think it's inappropriate.

What I Learned From Godzilla vs Mechagodzilla: When someone in charge of subtitles doesn't know what a word is, "????" is a perfectly acceptable substitute.

What I Learned From Terror of Mechagodzilla: Respected scientists are not above beating the living sh!t out of colleagues whose theories they question.

What I Learned From Godzilla 1985 (Japanese version): A Japanese singer trying to sing in English is cute if it's a line or two. But not an entire song. Good God, not an entire song.

What I Learned From Godzilla: Final Wars: Some people will like anything as long as Godzilla is in it.

[Psycho Soldier]

Gigantis the Fire Monster: Five, six, seven, eight, excessive narration's really great.

Destroy All Monsters: Boys are stupid, throw rocks at them; girls are stupid, they are rocks.

Godzilla vs. Hedorah: If you drink the right amount of alcohol, clubs will become disturbingly akin to Innsmouth.

Godzilla vs. SpaceGodzilla: Sometimes, you just have to steal a story arc from Dragon Ball Z to get by.

Godzilla 2000: Sigmund Freud continues to influence filmmakers to this very day.