Mario & Sonic: Marvel Universe

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Mario & Sonic: Marvel Universe

Postby Ernesth100 » Fri Jan 31, 2014 6:59 pm

Episode 1-Suit Up

Long ago in 2012, heroes Mario and Sonic defeatead rivals Eggman and Bowser in the Olympics. Little did they know there was a secret alliance going on between the two tyrants. Bowser and Eggman were working together to make a machine that would give them the power of the strongest demensions. But Bowser activated the machine before it was ready. This unleashed a wave of energy upon Mario and Sonics realms. On that day came Mario and Sonic's: Marvel Universe.

In the Mushroom Kingdom a wave of energy bursted from Bowser castle hit Mario and Sonics worlds. In Mobius Sonic is blasted off a cliff due to the wave. He emerges from a hole in the ground in a spider themed red and blue suit. "That was an epic fall..woah is it Halloween already?" Sonic questioned. He pushed a button on his wrist accidentally and learned slowly to web swing. He saw something glowing in the distance and decides to swing over to it. In the Mushroom Kingdom Mario is looking for Luigi after the wave and finds a red metal backpack. Mario gets closer to the metal red backpack and notices a glowing circle light in the middle. Mario touches it which activates it as it turns into iron armor on Mario including and iron hat on his head(without the M) covering his real hat(with the M). He uncontrollably blasts off, flying into the air. Meanwhile the wave has buried Luigi under piles of large rocks. As he struggles his eyes turn green and slowly so does his skin. His round, mustached nose becomes a regular small pointy non mustached one as he grows larger and more muscular, practically everything but his pants rip off in the transformation his hat too somehow stays on. He burst out of the rocks angered and goes on a rampage.

Back in Mobius Shadow was blasted into a blizzardy area. A sharp pain hits his hands as 3 metallic claws burst from between his knuckles on both hands. Still in Mobius is Sonic who is web swinging to the glow, but is barely half way there. "Im not as fast as I used to be" Sonic says. In the Mushroom Kingdom Luigi is rampaging and terrozing the Toads demolishing there homes. But suddenly a hammer smacks Luigi in the face sending him flying. Luigi gets up to see Yoshi but he has black pants on and a red cape as well as golden hair and a silver helmet he also has a silver hammer which Luigi recognizes as the one that hit him and in rage roars at the green dinosuar.

Elsewhere in the Mushroom Kingdom it seems as if Mario has gotten the hang of flying in his new suit and is flying over the sea the water splashing up behind him. But suddenly his suit detects a life signal underwater...and its a Toad. Quickly we snap back to the Luigi and Yoshi conflict. Yoshi attempts to calm down the hulking Luigi but, only serves to anger him further. Luigi punches Yoshi into the air, Yoshi realizes he can only stop Luigi one way...by force.

In Mobius, Sonic has finally reached the light which turns out to be emitting from a portal. Curious he pokes his head through. He is shocked to see a giant tower with Mario's name lit up on it and plainly say;

"Well...wave hit here too."

Back to the Yoshi vs Luigi conflict again. Yoshi throws his hammer at Luigi's face again knocking him back. But quickly regaining his balance Luigi roars and prepares to counterattack, unfortunately he's not quick enough and has little time to react to Yoshi coming down on his head with the hammer so hard it drives Luigi into the ground upbto his shoulders.

Yoshi walks up to Luigi;

"You are weak Luigi let me help you." Yoshi says.

The green goliath here's this Yoshi does not know this form of Luigi it takes pride in it strength and to insult its strength makes it angry. Luigi burst out of the ground roaring;

"I am strongest there is!"

Back in Mario's tower, Toad wakes up to find he is significantly taller and slightly more muscular than a normal Toad. Outside of the castle Sonic realizes he's to far to walk and he'll never get there in time running at his now humanized speed. But he see's a bunch of bricks floating almost like a bridge leading to the building. He swings using his webs on the bricks and makes it in near to no time. He then sling shots himself to the top stating;

"Me and Mario got stuff to discuss"

To be continued.

Today's Variants are:

Black Suit Spidey-Hog(like Spidermans venom symboite suit)

and

Big Bro Armor Mario(like iron mans hulk buster armor)

Thanks for readin!
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Re: Mario & Sonic: Marvel Universe

Postby jellydonut25 » Mon Feb 03, 2014 9:44 am

This may be overly harsh criticism, but seeing as I literally have zero interest in fanfic, and just checked in because I have a small issue with the yellow icon on the sub-forum when all the others are gray (yeah, minor OCD I guess), I think this is a fair bit more than you're ever likely to get from me otherwise:

Ernesth100 wrote:Episode 1-Suit Up

Long ago in 2012, heroes Mario and Sonic defeatead rivals Eggman and Bowser in the Olympics. Little did they know there was a secret alliance going on between the two tyrants. Bowser and Eggman were working together to make a machine that would give them the power of the strongest demensions. But Bowser activated the machine before it was ready. This unleashed a wave of energy upon Mario and Sonics realms. On that day came Mario and Sonic's: Marvel Universe.

I stopped reading here. Not due to length or my lack of interest, but due to the quality of the writing.

"defeatead" is a misspelling.
"going on" is entirely unnecessary and causes that whole sentence to read awkward and amateurish.
"demensions" is a misspelling
You never start a sentence with "but" (or "and" or "or" or any other conjunction).
That last sentence is awful.

My suggestion to you is to READ a lot more...short stories especially. There are dozens of reputable websites out there that allow free or cheap subscriptions to read some shorts that are written by budding writers. You can't be making these kinds of mistakes if writing is something you want to do. A simple spell check would catch half your errors, and five minutes of editing would catch probably half the remainder. You shouldn't be putting stuff out there if you haven't gone over it yourself to check for errors. If it feels like you don't care, then I'm certainly not going to
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Re: Mario & Sonic: Marvel Universe

Postby Ernesth100 » Mon Feb 03, 2014 12:20 pm

Okay.
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Re: Mario & Sonic: Marvel Universe

Postby Zack Metoyer » Thu Feb 27, 2014 8:42 pm

I'm going to argue against jelly's condemnation of using conjunctions as sentence starters:

http://blog.oxforddictionaries.com/2012/01/can-i-start-a-sentence-with-a-conjunction/

But I will agree that, in the case of the above, it was not used effectively and had no purpose.

And I just used one.

And again.

Ditto.
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Re: Mario & Sonic: Marvel Universe

Postby Ernesth100 » Sat Mar 01, 2014 12:54 am

Zack Metoyer wrote:I'm going to argue against jelly's condemnation of using conjunctions as sentence starters:

http://blog.oxforddictionaries.com/2012/01/can-i-start-a-sentence-with-a-conjunction/

But I will agree that, in the case of the above, it was not used effectively and had no purpose.

And I just used one.

And again.

Ditto.

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